WILLIAM'S PAGE
Consoling Those Who Grieve.

This page is in memory of William, who touched so many of our lives in his short and precious life, and is offered in support and love in Christ for all parents and grandparents grieving from the loss of a child or grandchild. 

"Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5.4)

William Adams Seale
June 10, 2003 - July 1, 2004

William now lives in the brightness of God.  He went to be with his  heavenly Father on July 1, 2004, shortly after his first birthday.  As you can see, he was a happy, beautiful baby, but he was born with severe heart abnormalities.  He endured many open heart surgeries and rallied through many crises.  He developed many issues and complications after the surgeries and procedures of his final weeks.  He had tender, loving parents and family who remained always at his side and received excellent medical care in a pediatric intensive cardiac care unit, in a specialized hospital in Michigan.

Please continue to pray for his Mom, Dad, his sisters and family during the days ahead.  Also, pray for the babies and children who remain in the cardiac intensive care unit where William was.  

SAVING LITTLE HEARTS
Helping Children
 with Congenital Heart Defects

Congenital heart defects affect about eight in 1,000 live births. It is the most common type of birth defect and the leading cause of birth defect-related deaths, according to congenital heart defect advocates.  

Warning signs

The symptoms of a heart defect can be subtle and vague. If a child has two or more of these symptoms, talk to a pediatrician about referral to a pediatric cardiologists.

 In infancy

 - Tires easily during feeding, often falling asleep before finishing

 - Sweating around the head, especially during feeding

 - Fast breathing at rest or sleeping

 - Pale or bluish skin color

 - Poor weight gain

 - Puffy face, hands or feet

- Often irritable or difficult to console

 Later in childhood  

- Gets out of breath during play

 - Difficulty keeping up with playmates

 - Tires easily or sleeps a lot

 - Change in color during active play or sports, looks pale or has bluish tint around mouth and nose.

 - Frequent colds and respiratory illnesses

 - Slow growth and weight gain/poor appetite

 - Complains of chest pain and/or heart pounding

(Source: Congenital Heart Information Network)  
(Source:  Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal, 2/13/2006 ) 

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(Click for Music)

I want to walk as a child of the Light
I want to follow Jesus
God set the stars To give light to the world
The Star of my life is Jesus.

In Him there is no darkness at all
The night and the day are both alike
The love is the Light of the city of God
Shine in my heart Lord Jesus. 

I want to see the Brightness of God
I want to look at Jesus
Clear Son of righteousness shine on my path
And show me the way to the Father.

(Words and Music by Kathleen Thomerson)

The Club
by Karen Grover
Feb 1989

In January, 1987, my husband and I became members of a very exclusive club. We had been only vaguely aware of its existence, and we thought that surely a chapter in a city the size of ours wouldn't have many members.

We had seen a few people who belonged to the club, but we didn't seem to have anything in common with them, so we didn't really get to know them. Occasionally, we read stories in the newspaper about new members being initiated into the club, but it didn't seem likely that we would ever be eligible to join, so we paid no attention.

The price of membership is so dear that we couldn't imagine being a part of the club. We must have realized in the backs of our minds that people didn't choose to join and pay the dues--it was done for them somehow. In fact, no one really has any idea of how members are selected. There are a lot of theories; but much of the time, the theories come from non-members who don't understand much about the situation.

The "club" we are now in (although it is not an organized group), is known as "bereaved parents." The cost of our membership was the life of our son; and we, like all other members, have no idea why we were selected for membership.

No one wants to be in this club. Even now, months afterward, inside our hearts and minds we continue to fight membership, but there is no resigning from it. It is an automatic lifetime membership. There was no way to avoid it--we did the best we could to keep our son safe. For fourteen years, we guided him through dangers, only to have him die in a seemingly minor auto accident. Though we lay awake night after night, and think of it day after day, there is no answer as to why we have been thrust into this select group. We hate it and we cry out in protest, but there is no way to change it.

We have learned a lot since our membership began. We now understand much about the other members. In fact, we seek to be with them, to have regular get-togethers, to discuss our membership, and try to understand its value.

Sometimes, those outside the club are afraid of us, fearing that if they come near us or talk with us, they will be selected to become members too! Acquaintances often try to ignore the membership, pretending that it doesn't exist. They seem to think that will make things easier, and then the members won't feel "different," but it really only makes things much worse.

So many times, I have wanted someone to say hello or to tell me she has been thinking of me or to mention something about the absent child who still lives inside me and overshadows all my thoughts. I have heard people say, "I don't want to upset her, or remind her of her son, or say something that will make her cry."

I want to tell them: "The only way you can make me feel worse than I already do is to pretend that it doesn't exist or that it isn't as deep and painful as you surely know it is.

Have you ever experienced the feeling of having one terrible incident go through your mind, day after day, week after week, month after month, wondering why it happened and how you could have prevented it? Well, don't worry about reminding me of my son. I am thinking about him nearly twenty-four hours a day.

"Sure, sometimes my mind is temporarily distracted--it would have to be to function at all. But if you think there is even one day that goes by without my child's death tearing up my heart, then you have no idea what this club is all about.

"I appreciate your talking about my child, or at least letting me talk about him. He was a very large part of my life, and ignoring him now will really hurt me. It makes me think that you feel he's no longer important because he's gone. It hurts to think that people don't want to think about him or remember good things about him, just because he has died.

"I understand that you don't want to say anything that will make me cry. That sounds kind, and I used to feel that way too, but now I know better. I'd rather the tears didn't come when you talk to me because I know they may scare you away, or at least make you very uncomfortable. But I've learned how useful and necessary they are. If I go too long without tears, my body builds up a terrible pressure from the pain of the grief. If you will allow me to cry in your presence, perhaps I won't have to cry alone, wondering if anyone else remembers, or even cares, about my loss.

"You can't know what will make me cry--sometimes I don't know, myself. Some days I stay dry-eyed through nearly everything. Other days, the slightest thing will start the tears--things you could not possibly imagine or anticipate. Not all the tears are tears of sorrow. Even in the midst of my anguish, I sometimes cry tears of joy and relief because you have reached out; because you have confirmed that my son was special; perhaps because you have shared with me some precious memory about him which I had not known before.

"Please don't run away from me. Don't pretend his death never occurred, or even worse, that he never lived! I still love him, think of him, need to remember. Please share with me and we will both feel better.

"I am learning that God is not punishing me. He did not cause the death of my son. But, He can help me to grow through this experience--to become stronger and wiser and more caring, if I have some help. Initially, when I was told by a church member that I would change and grow stronger through this experience, I wanted to scream that if it meant giving up my son, I didn't want to change or get stronger. But I know I have no choice about that now--he is gone. Now my choices are to either let God, and friends, help me to become better; or I can choose to allow this grief to destroy me."

I have to experience the grief. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt, or hurry it along. That's what membership in this club is teaching me. I am choosing to allow God to take an unspeakable experience and use it to start life again...in a new and better way.

SOURCE:  Bereavement Publishing, Inc.
BEREAVEMENT
WHISPERS OF THE HEART

 

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below.

With tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular!  Please wipe away that tear, for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me.  I see the pain inside your heart, but I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.

So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear, and be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.

I send you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is the gift more precious than pure gold, It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do, for I can't count the blessing or love that He has for you.

So have a joyous Christmas and wipe away that tear.  Remember, I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

"Laughing Baby"
Copyrighted by Jean Keaton.  See Keaton Prints.
Used with permission.  "Laughing Baby" may be
copied only with permission of Jean Keaton.
This print and others may be purchased from her website.

* * *
Grief Management and the Catholic Church

By Carmella Turner,
Pamela Carroll, PSY K201

"Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted" (Matt 5.4). For what am I mourning and how am I being comforted? For me, the mourning is the death of my 11½ month old son Elias, and the comfort comes from my faith in Jesus Christ, the founder of the Catholic Church.  

Elias was born in 1999 after a healthy pregnancy and non-event delivery. Less than 24 hours later, when the nurse came to take his newborn picture, my life changed forever, as did his. Something was wrong. His heart I was told, and thus the saga of his short life on earth began. . . . [continued - click here:  ELIAS]

* * *

RESOURCES

A GRIEF UNVEILED
One Father's Journey Through the Death of a Child. Gregory Floyd gives his family's account of grief, recounting the impact of the sudden death of his young child on his Christian family. Floyd captures the almost indescribable moments of pain, as well as the palpable moments of grace as he walks through the grieving process. This book witnesses to the intimate presence of Christ in the midst of loss. Paperback. 194 pages.  [From EWTN.] 

Review of this book at Catholic Answers:  Stalker and Companion.  Also review and writing on suffering and triumphant faith at AD 2000.  Audio:  Grassroots Renewal Project.

* * *

After the Darkest Hour the Sun Will Shine Again:   A Parent's Guide to Coping with the Loss of a Child by Elizabeth Mehren (book)

Baby Steps

Bereaved Parents of the USA

Bereavement - Catholic Books, Tapes and CDs 

Children's Grief and Loss Issues

Compassionate Friends

Crisis, Grief and Healing

Death and Grief Management

First Steps

Growing a Strong Marriage After the Loss of a Child

Helping Children Understand Death

How Children Grieve

Jean Keaton's Christian Art

Living Beyond Loss

Morning Light Ministry

Mourning:  The Journey from Grief to Healing (book)

National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved

RainbowMaker

Paths to Healing

SIDS

The Child's Loss:  Death, Grief and Mourning

Wendt Center for Loss and Healing

* * *

Anthony Joseph Benkovic
A Loving and Devoted Husband and Father

Go to this website for video and audios:
Carrying the Cross Together
A Tough Nut to Crack
Women of Grace LIVE:  The Death of Anthony Benkovic (husband of Johnnette Benkovic, Living His Life Abundantly)

* * *

If you have suggestions for website links and
resources for those who must travel this difficult
road of sorrow, please e-mail us.   

* * *

Mary the Way - Mother of God
(click picture to enlarge)

* * *

* * *
"All who pass this way, look and see
whether there is any suffering like my suffering. . ."
Lamentations 1:12 

Pieta by Michael Angelo.
(Click to enlarge.)

* * *
Send prayer requests on
Prayer Requests page.
Click here: Prayer Request